Giving advice is tricky. You want to help, but you don’t want to come off as preachy, know-it-all, or intrusive. Whether you’re guiding a friend, mentoring a colleague, or offering support to a family member, the way you deliver advice can make all the difference.
Here’s how to give advice in a way that people actually appreciate (and maybe even follow).
1. Ask Before You Advise
Not everyone wants advice. Sometimes, people just want to vent. Before jumping in, ask:
“Do you want advice, or would you rather I just listen?”
This simple question makes the other person feel respected and in control. If they say yes, they’re open to your input. If not, they just need a listening ear.
2. Understand Before You Speak
It’s tempting to offer a quick fix, but first, dig deeper. Ask open-ended questions like:
- “What’s been the hardest part about this for you?”
- “What have you already tried?”
- “How do you feel about the situation?”
This helps you avoid generic advice and instead offer something truly relevant.
3. Share, Don’t Preach
People resist being told what to do. Instead of saying, “You should…”, try:
- “I’ve been in a similar situation, and what helped me was…”
- “One thing that worked for me was…”
- “Here’s a perspective that might help…”
By sharing your experiences rather than issuing commands, you make the advice feel like a conversation, not a lecture.
4. Offer Choices, Not Ultimatums
No one likes feeling trapped. Instead of saying:
❌ “You HAVE to do this.”
Try:
✅ “Here are a few options to consider.”
Giving choices makes the person feel empowered rather than pressured.
5. Be Honest, But Kind
Honesty is valuable, but delivery matters. Instead of bluntly saying:
❌ “You’re making a terrible decision.”
Try:
✅ “I see where you’re coming from, but I have a different perspective. Want to hear it?”
This keeps the conversation open instead of putting them on the defensive.
6. Respect Their Decision (Even If You Disagree)
After giving advice, step back. It’s their life, their choice. If they decide to go another way, support them anyway. A simple “Whatever you decide, I’ve got your back” goes a long way.
Advice for Different Situations
Workplace Advice: Supporting a Colleague Without Overstepping
In professional settings, unsolicited advice can feel like criticism. Instead of saying:
❌ “You should really handle client calls this way.”
Try:
✅ “I had a similar challenge before. What helped me was…”
Giving Advice in Relationships: Being a Supportive Partner
In romantic relationships, advice can sometimes feel like judgment. Instead of:
❌ “You always get worked up over little things. Just ignore it!”
Try:
✅ “I can see this really bothers you. What would help you feel better about it?”
Parenting Advice: Guiding Without Being Overbearing
Kids and teens often resist direct instructions. Instead of:
❌ “Stop wasting time and do your homework now!”
Try:
✅ “Would you rather finish your homework now and have the evening free, or take a break and set a timer to get back to it?”
Friendship Advice: Being There Without Being Overbearing
When a friend comes to you with a problem, they may not always want advice. Instead of jumping in with solutions, ask:
“Do you want advice or just someone to listen?”
If they do want input, share experiences rather than directives:
✅ “I went through something similar, and one thing that helped me was…”
Final Thought: Advice Is a Gift, Not a Rule
Good advice isn’t about control—it’s about offering a new perspective. If they take it, great. If not, that’s okay too. Your role isn’t to fix their life but to be a thoughtful, supportive presence.
So next time you’re about to give advice, remember: Listen first, share gently, and respect their choices. That’s the kind of advice people actually appreciate.